Fleshing Out Spiritual Leadership

Spiritual leadership in the home is difficult for a host of reasons. Near the top of that list is that men have vague and undefined notions of what that leadership looks like and what it pursues. This then makes the already difficult task of spiritual leadership even more so.

Here are five actual and particular ways to lead your family spiritually:

Take Responsibility

The fiasco in the garden of Genesis 3 brought with it devastating results and there was plenty of blame to go around, as is made clear with God confronting Adam, Eve, and the serpent. But ultimately one person bears the responsibility for the fall – “just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned” Rom. 5:12. Adam is held responsible. Why? Because that is what leadership entails. In their book on biblical manhood Foster & Tennant write, "The state of your life might not be entirely, or even mostly, your fault—but it is entirely your responsibility. That is what it means to be given dominion."[1] The same is true about the state of your marriage and family. Leaders are responsible. So, husbands, fathers, take responsibility. You may be able to point to others’ faults and circumstances, but don’t. Lead and take responsibility. Leaders need to understand that though something may not be their fault, it is still their responsibility.

Lead in Spiritual Disciplines

Through hearing God in his Word and talking to God through prayer, you have the means to abide and commune with Christ. You have what you need to cultivate a relationship with God. As a spiritual leader in the home, the apostle Paul stresses your responsibility to help your family cultivate that relationship as well. In Eph. 5:25 – 6:4, Paul urges husbands to "nourish" their wives. This includes spiritual nourishment. Then in the context of parenthood, Paul uses the phrase “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. Men, God will hold you responsible for the spiritual health of your family. Lead them in spiritual disciplines. Model the disciplines, keep your family accountable for their engagement in the Word and prayer and develop a plan for family worship. Nourish and instruct your family.

Pursue the Church

A Christian’s relationship with Christ is personal but not private. Because God is our Father, we have other brothers and sisters. God, therefore, has designed that our spiritual growth into Christlikeness takes place in that spiritual family. The author of Hebrews warns Christians of the spiritual danger if they neglect to meet together, and to encourage one another up; in essence if they neglect to live as a church family (Heb. 10:24-25). Spiritual leadership in the home requires that you protect your family from this danger and guide them into the spiritual growth that takes place in the community of the redeemed – the church. Men, lead your family to love the church. Lead your family into church membership. Lead your family into faithful attendance. Lead your family into service alongside the local church. Lead your family to see church as a priority.

Model Repentance and Forgiveness

What does it look like to functionally live out what you claim to believe about the Good News of Jesus Christ? One thing it means is spiritual leaders do not pretend to be sinless. If you believe the gospel, you believe that you are a sinner. This means we live a life of repentance and often of open repentance. Spiritual leadership demands that we be quick to repent before God, before our wives and our children (James 5:16). Men, lead by example – be the first to apologize and the first to forgive. Model these implications of the gospel.

Don’t Compartmentalize Worship

All of life is about God (1 Cor. 10:31). Lead your family to embrace and enjoy this reality. For you as a leader it means showing what it looks like to honor God when you’re singing on Sunday morning or dealing with a frustrating neighbor on Monday night. It means praying about missions, sick friends, the family budget, vacations plans, car repairs, safety, and the lost dog. It means modeling gratitude to God for food, a job, a roof, toys, medicine, opportunities, and even hardships. Whether purposefully or not, you are shaping your family’s worldview – their understanding of reality. Men, lead and shape it in such a way that reflects and points to the ultimate reality. Don’t only be a spiritual leader on Sundays.

Men, because God designed the world the way he did, spiritual leadership is our responsibility. Brothers, because God has redeemed us in Christ, it is now also a joy and privilege. Lead faithfully.

[1] Foster, Michael ; Tennant, Dominic Bnonn. It's Good to Be a Man: A Handbook for Godly Masculinity (p. 163). Canon Press. Kindle Edition. 

Ihor Zhakunets is a pastor at Mercy Hill Chapel in Cleveland, Ohio.