Discerning the credibility of a child’s profession of faith is not an easy task for parents who are seeking to rear their children in the training and admonition of the Lord. We don’t want to hinder them in their pursuit of Christ, but neither do we want to give a false assurance that may do spiritual harm in the long run. Between being gullible and overly critical there must be a way to navigate this thorny issue. God’s Word can help parents deal wisely with our children in such situations.
A Biblical Framework of Conversion
The first thing that we need is a Biblical perspective of our children. We must know the state, nature, and need of our children if we are to know how to assess their profession. All of humanity including our children share a common parent and therefore have a common problem. All men are born in Adam in a state of sin and misery and inherit both the guilt of original sin and the corruption of their entire nature (Rom. 5:12; Ps. 51:5). Sin has put the whole soul of man out of joint. No longer is he rightly aligned with God, and neither is he at all rightly ordered within himself. His mind is darkened, his will is inclined toward sin, and his affections are misplaced. Man’s heart is no longer a place where the king of heaven resides, but it is a storehouse of vanities, uncleanness, and everything unholy (Mark 7:15-23). In short, man needs a new heart (Ezek. 36:26).
This is critical to get right, our children are sinners in need of the same Christ who showed us mercy (Eph. 2:1-3). Our children must be shielded from many evils in the world, but we must not think that by protecting them from external influences they will in the end turn out alright. We should keep a watch on their friends, entertainments, and use of electronics, but we must not forget about the biggest enemy of their soul, which is the sin that lives in their hearts (Jer. 17:9). The situation is desperate. Our children are in need of a lifesaving heart transplant that only the Great Physician can perform.
This spiritual heart transplant is also know as the new birth. This is a mighty and sovereign work of God (Jn. 6:63). But God who alone regenerates and quickens to spiritual life, is also pleased to employ means through which He works. He uses the Holy Scriptures and the various ways they are communicated to our children. Through His word and by His Spirit He implants the seed of the gospel into the heart and causes it to germinate with life (Js. 1:18; 1 Pet. 1:22-25)! This means that although God alone can give a new heart, making our children a new creation in Christ Jesus, we bear a responsibility as parents before God to faithfully and daily sow the gospel seed.
A Biblical Understanding of the Marks of a Child of God
Now when discerning the credibility of a child’s profession of faith we must not create a different standard from what we would normally use to evaluate any other profession. The marks of saving faith remain the same at every stage of life. These marks identify one as a child of God, so that a measure of family resemblance is evident even in its youngest members. However, this does not discount the age, maturity, and overall development of that child as we consider these marks. The nineteenth century theologian Archibald Alexander wisely wrote, “In short, the exercises of grace are the same in a child as in an adult, only modified by the peculiarities in the character and knowledge of a child.” [1] He advised, “we ought not to look for wisdom, judgment, and the stability of adult years, even in a pious child. We should expect, if I may say so, a childish piety, a simple, devout, and tender state of heart.” [2]
So what are some of the marks of the children of God? First, a growing love for God in Jesus Christ (1Jn. 1:19). This is not to be confused with a general interest in religion and church attendance. It is not even merely an interest in Bible stories, but it is a growing love for God centered on Christ (1 Pet. 1:8).
Second, there is an increasing hatred of sin (1Jn. 2:15-17). A heart that wants to be free of all sin. I am not saying a child should grasp the heinousness and ugliness of sin the way an adult does, but do they experience grief and mourn over their sins (2 Cor. 7:9-10)? Do they confess their sins to God and others (1Jn. 1:9)?
Third, a growing desire to pray (Lk. 11:1). The Spirit who indwells the believer is a Spirit of prayer and supplication (Zech. 12:10). The Spirit teaches us to pray and call on God as our Father (Rom. 8:14-17). Prayer is the breath of faith, where faith exists there will be prayer.
Fourth, a growing desire to do God’s will (1Jn. 2:3-5). The heart which has been renewed has a desire to please God and bear fruits of obedience.
Fifth, growing in grace. A tree is known by its fruits, and the branch which is planted into the tree of Christ will bear fruit that resemble His character (Mt. 7:20; Jn. 15:5; Gal. 5:22-23). Do we see a growing love for their neighbors, siblings, and parents?
Sixth, an increasing awareness and concern for the souls of others. One of the first signs of the new birth is an awareness and concern for souls, because in regeneration we have been taught for the first time the desperate need of our own (Mk.5:19-20). The experience of our soul’s liberty in Christ creates a desire for our loved ones to know Jesus also.
Practical Helps and Encouragements
I would like to conclude with some practical helps and encouragement for parents who are raising children.
First, be careful not to confuse common operations of the Spirit with special and saving operations of the Spirit. By common operations, I mean religious impressions that seem to mimic the experience of a believer (Heb. 6:4-5). However, these common operations are always fleeting and momentary. Herod is an example of this, we read that he listened to John’s preaching and even made some adjustments to his life, but there was a sin he wouldn’t let go (Mk. 6:20). Emotional experiences, and short-lived changes or desires are no sure signs of the saving ministry of the Spirit.
Second, we must not expect the Lord to work in the same way in each case of conversion. Sometimes it is clearly at a particular time, for others it is more gradual and less decisive, sometimes it is proceeded by heavy conviction over sin and at other times not. Just as the calling of Samuel as a child took place over time, so it often is for children who grow up in Christian homes (1 Sam. 3:1-10). We must remind them that we do not look back to a time for assurance, but to Jesus Christ. He is our assurance and hope of salvation (Heb. 6:19-20). It is helpful to expose our children to the testimonies of other Christians so that they can hear the various ways God brings His children to himself.
Third, do not frequently take soil tests to see what may be growing imperceptibly below the surface. If the seed has been sown, faithfully water, and set Christ the Sun of Righteousness before them continuously, trusting the Triune God to bring salvation at His appointed hour. Beware of performing spiritual checkups on our children and wanting to know the state of their hearts by their every look, mood, word, and deed. If you do this, you will make yourself stressed and anxious and that will be detrimental to your calling as a parent to set before them a godly example of one who trusts God.
Fourth, as parents we must take our anxiety over our children somewhere, but there is no better place to go than to our Father who cares (1 Pet. 5:7). He invites us to come, pouring out our concerns to Him.
Fifth, when our young ones come to us and express their trust in Christ, do not discourage them (Mk. 10:13-16). Even if you are not certain in the moment, remember it is not your job to give them assurance, the Spirit must do that (Rom. 8:16). Rather your responsibility is to point them to Christ Jesus and encourage them to continue to look to Him. We do so by reminding them that to be a Christian is to be a follower of Jesus Christ and to daily put our confidence in the Lord.
Sixth, incorporate your children into both family worship and public worship (2 Tim. 3:15; Ezra10:1). Daily take time to read, pray, sing, and discuss the Scriptures as a family involving the young children as much as possible. Have a child who can read help with a few verses, or one who is even younger to open in prayer, and let them pick a hymn or Psalm that they like to sing. Bring your children into the services of the church, put them under the ministry of the Word. Teach them how to listen, take notes, and be engaged in the worship service. After services have a time of discussion around a meal. Teach your children to think spiritually by the questions you ask. Don’t just ask, what did you learn? But ask them, what about Jesus Christ delighted and comforted your soul? Such discussions should not just be for Sunday afternoons, but every day should contain spiritual conversation. It should be natural for us to speak of the Lord Jesus and to carry on conversation with our children whether it’s when we get ready in the morning, sit down for dinner, go on a family walk, or before we go to bed (Dt. 6:7-9).
Seventh, spend time with each child one on one to build your relationship. The stronger your relationship, the greater likelihood they will speak with you about the matters of their heart and soul (Eccl. 4:8-10). It takes time to forge strong bonds, so make it a regular pattern. Susanna Wesley was the mother of ten children, but she made it her aim to spend an hour with each child a week. Two of those sons became well known ministers and hymn writers, John and Charles Wesley. We need to take time cultivating close ties especially in the preteen and teen years.
Eighth, do not consider the credibility of your child’s profession alone, but seek out the wisdom of other mature Christians in the congregation as well as the pastors God has given you. The Lord has kindly and graciously planted us in a particular assembly that no member of Christ would be alone, but vitally connected to His body (1 Cor. 12:12; Eph. 4:11-12). There we will often find the help we need when evaluating our child’s profession.
Reader, may the Lord be pleased to bless whatever here is helpful to equip you with wisdom and grace as you prayerfully consider the credibility of your child’s profession of faith.
[1] Archibald Alexander, Thoughts on Religious Experience (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 2020), 13.
[2] Alexander, Thoughts on Religious Experience, 12.
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